The day is 27th December, 17 Days after the end of #16daysofactivism against Gender Based Violence with the theme of 2021 being HEAR ME TOO. People (both men and women) suffer violence in silence. From feeling shame to feeling hopeless despair.
Shame
A negative emotion that arises after a social or moral transgression or after and incompetence issue. Shame from being abused makes people feel disgusted with themselves, makes them feel small and worthless, powerless and incompetent, makes people more sensitive to the words and opinions of others, it heightens awareness, makes people feel inferior to others and worry about external evaluation. (The Psychology of Shame).
Why not just leave?
Being abused/violated by family, friends, neighbours or partners in most cases results in feelings of shame.
Ashamed that such has happened to them.
Ashamed to ask for help and be viewed as weak.
Ashamed that they cannot get themselves out of the situation that is clearly tearing them down.
The most frequently asked (also the most insensitive ) question is why not just leave? I mean it should be as simple as packing your bags, calling it quits and hitting the road, right?
But it's not.
It is really not.
Most people who have suffered Gender Based Violence are scared to open up about what happened (is happening) to them because of fear of being judged or worse, others not believing them. Others are so controlled by their perpetrator they cannot speak up or ask for help.
They are manipulated into viewing their perpetrator as their only hope and the only one they can run (turn) to especially if they depend on their perpetrator in some way or the other. Some are blackmailed into keeping quiet. Other people have been so emotionally abused (manipulated) into thinking they are inferior, incompetent and worthless resulting in (but not limited to) social withdrawal and pronounced paranoid tendencies.
There is also the investment theory, the person reflects on the effort and time they have "invested" into the relationship with the perpetrator. They think of the good times and the promises they have worked (or are yet) to fulfil. They stay because their investment MUST yield something.
Walking away is not straightforward.
Its not ABC.
No experience is exactly the same and everyone goes about it the only way they know how.
Why the 16 Days of Activism to End Gender Based Violence
"The cramps of severe shame are implosive and covered up" - The Psychology of shame
1 in 3 women across the world will experience violence in their lifetime. That’s more than 1 billion women and girls facing physical or sexual abuse. Violence doesn’t discriminate, it affects women of all ages, abilities, classes and backgrounds.
The 16 Days of Activism raises awareness about violence against women and girls as a human rights issue, focusing on the importance of grassroots work on violence against women as well as providing an international platform for advocacy and campaigning. The campaign starts on 25thNovember (International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women) and runs until 10th December (Human Rights Day). The dates for the campaign were chosen to link violence against women and human rights and emphasise that gender-based violence against women is a violation of human rights.
16 Days of Activism is an opportunity to come together with the global women’s movement to call for an end to gender-based violence. More than 6,000 organisations from over 187 countries have taken part since the campaign began in 1991. Originated by activists at the inaugural Women’s Global Leadership Institute, the campaign continues to be coordinated each year by the Centre for Women’s Global Leadership (CWGL).
(Source: https://www.womankind.org.uk/16-days-of-activism/)
Here is a lived experience, a story of a woman who suffered at the hand of her perpetrator, an intimate partner. Here is a story about a brave soul that found
A PLACE CALLED HERS.
"He would blame everytime he placed bets on sports and lost even though he used my paycheck to place the wagers. He would say he lost because I did not believe in him enough and would then fall into a rage. Being a teacher that time, he would blow pot into my face so that I would fail a drug test if he ever decided to call the school on me, something he threatened to do many times. He would also accuse me of having an affair with random co-workers when I stayed late to mark papers.
He once forced me to smash my phone into pieces with a hammer in order to prove my loyalty to him so I couldnt converse with anyone without him knowing. He tried to pull me out of a moving car when I was 7 months pregnant. After the birth of my child, I exclusively breastfed. When he got angry he would prevent me from feeding my baby claiming that I was evil and my milk was tainted because I was an evil person. The day after we married, he somehow found the phone number if an exboyfriend and called him from my cell phone. He told me he would use it as evidence if he ever wanted to divorce me.
His rage ranged from emotionally twisted abuse to breaking random stuff to breaking my heirlooms and meaningful possessions to threatening to destroy all my clothing, the lives of the people I cared about, my career or anything that provided me with security or happiness. His rage also included sexual assault and humiliation."
Justifications for violence frequently are on based gender norms – that is, social norms about the proper roles and responsibilities of men and women. These cultural and social norms socialize males to be aggressive, powerful, unemotional, and controlling, and contribute to a social acceptance of men as dominant. Similarly, expectations of females as passive, nurturing, submissive, and emotional also reinforce women's roles as weak, powerless, and dependent upon men. The socialization of both men and women has resulted in an unequal power relationship between men and women.
Gender violence threatens family structures; children suffer emotional damage when they watch
their mothers and sisters being battered; two-parent homes may break up, leaving the new female heads of household to struggle against increased poverty and negative social repercussions.
Psychological scars often impede the establishment of healthy and rewarding relationships in the future. Victims of gender violence may vent their frustrations on their children and others, thereby transmitting and intensifying the negative experiences of those around them. Children, on the
other hand, may come to accept violence as an alternative means of conflict resolution and communication. It is in these ways that violence is reproduced and perpetuated.
Effects of Gender Based Violence
Sources:
Population Reports/CHANGE, No. 4, Volume XXVII, December 1999, available at
http://www.jhuccp.org prl11edsum.stm
Pickup, F., Williams, S., Sweetman, C. Ending Violence Against Women: A Challenge for Development and
Humanitarian Work, Oxfam GB 2001
OutLook: Violence Against Women: Effects on Reproductive Health , Vol.20, No. 1September 2002, available at
http://www.path.org/files/EOL_20-1.pdf.
16 ways to end violence towards girls | Plan International
https://plan-international.org/ending-violence/16-ways-end-violence-girls
Comments
Post a Comment