MOTHER’S DAY 2022 || MYRA TRUDEA OKUMU

Myra Trudea Okumu

I bet you think this is one of those cliche post as about Mother’s Day but I promise it is not, read to the end and then maybe pass judgment on that.

What does Mother’s Day mean to you? Is it that day that was set apart that you have to celebrate because everyone else is doing it? Do you honour your mothers everyday? Does the thought of her bring joy and deep compassion on every other day as much as it does on this day?

Mother’s Day is that day we cherish those who brought us into this world but it goes beyond that. It’s the day for those who raised us and those who have always looked out for us: the mother figures. It extends also to those fathers who have played both roles of parents, making sure you never felt left out or never thought you missed out on that bond. 

For me, Mother’s Day is a bittersweet day, a sentiment understood by those who know me and maybe those who read my first book “Uncharted Territory” (hint hint: unread letters to you 1,2 and 3). I remain grateful for my mother but a deep rooted sadness still overtakes when I give what the day really means for more than a moments thought. It’s about being surrounded by a bond, choked by its intensity but having never really fully experienced it, almost as though I was robbed and I still don’t understand as to why.

Loss cuts so deep, you bleed for years. The pain itself is suffocating. The promises, and hopes crumble.

For some, it’s the one day of the year they get to fully celebrate their mother’s with the rest of the world. They gift their motherfigures and shower them in luxuries, dot on them and bathe them in love, care and compassion. At the same time, it’s any other day for some people because to them they don’t need a reason or a day to celebrate their mothers because everyday is Mother’s Day, everyday they are fully present for their mother figures.

In a questionnaire about Mother’s Day, one of the questions was “what would you change about Mother’s Day?” and while some said nothing at all, others said they would like the day to be celebrated more often.

“Peoples mind set, they should learn to celebrate their mothers everyday. A day or the world shouldnt tell or remind you to celebrate your mom just once,” one of the respondents said.

What would I change about the day? Beyond showering them with goodies and niceties, I think it’s the perfect day to remind Mother figures that it’s okay not be perfect, to take a break, and make a mistake. Raising a nation, unfortunately, does not come with a manual and parents, in general, need to accept their own humanity. Mothers need to be accepted as human too. 

So often than not, mothers lose their identity in their children— the responsibility of keeping another human alive becoming the centre of their existence and don’t get me started on the abundance of shame that comes with that role. While society expects them to tend, nurture, care, foster, heal, soothe, accommodate, sacrifice, console, and keep together their children: who does the same for them? Who will guard the guard?

Have you on a random day thought of the nights motherfigures in your life have spent stressing about you? Praying for you? The dreams they have sacrificed? The burdens they carry on your behalf? Are you appreciative today only because it’s Mother’s Day? Do they only deserve a day out of 365 days in every year?

Another change is how accommodative the day should be to all mothers and to those who lost their mothers. When I say all mothers, I mean the ones who had to give up their children in trying to give them a shot at a better life, the ones that lost their child(ren), and the mothers that are no longer with us. They all deserve to be celebrated the same, the day must be so hard for them. Hard for the mothers without their child(ren) and hard for (a) child(ren) without their mother(s). 

I really hope you will take time out of today to check on those you know are not celebrating this day. 

I would like to dedicate this day to the angel mother’s in heaven and to the ones who were once given the gift of being called mother but life had other plans. I hope your day isn’t riddled with thoughts and memories like mine will be, and I hope you find a love that reflects that bond (cherish it and hold on to it). We don’t choose our fate but I have learned that the pain of being surrounded and choked by something you lost never really leaves you, you grow around it and it gets easier to carry around with time.

Happy Mother’s Day to everyone❤️

Love,

Myra Trudea Okumu.